Shakespeare for Dummies wasn't the title of the workshop, but it could have been.
And it would have aptly applied. Okay, I'm not a dummy, obtuse at times, but not a dummy. As far as Shakespeare is concerned, my sterling excuse has always been, "I'm Asian, I don't do Shakespeare!"
Pithy, dismissive, lazy, and yes, a little dumb.

I have taken two scene study workshops with Ron Usherwood at the Playhouse Theater and have loved them. During "Salesman" we were talking about the Shakes workshop and that's when Quinn seemed excited about the possibility, he shared the story of Mr. Sinclair and Eminem at a Q & A after a show.

In the last two years I have taken UNM acting classes and have been in a few plays while Quinn was doing theater in Chicago. I wanted to have a means to connect with him.
Another very important motivation was that I was 2 years into my divorce and the guilt and self loathing were reaching epidemic proportions.
I needed something.

All through high school I had been a jock. Football was the favorite with basketball a close second.
In 8th grade I shot up to 5'8 and a 1/4 with better than fair hand eye. I wasn't the biggest, but it was before all my contemporaries Wonder Breaded.
I had a great showing between than and sophomore  year. But, I rested on my laurels.
I discovered girls, I worked, but I didn't work out.
By senior year I wasn't starting both ways, I wasn't even starting. I wasn't playing basketball, I wasn't wrestling, doing track or any of the other sports I had once pursued.
And now, most of my contemporaries had either grown past me or worked harder, leaving me in the proverbial dust.

The final straw was the first game of my senior year.
I had been relegated to special teams, specifically kick offs.
Now, on kick offs, the opposing teams fastest guy is usually on the ends, closest to the side lines.
For some ungodly reason, my responsibility was the guy second from the end.
As far as speed went, I wasn't the slowest, but... okay, I probably was the slowest and I proceeded to prove it.

The over riding imprint of that last game was the emotion that led to my quitting, the only time in my life I've ever quit a team. Not counting Judo, and, I don't, but that's another story.
The emotion that lead to my QUITTING, was utter and total HUMILIATION.

My really bad dream.
The opening kickoff was to us and as I ran to take an angle on him I failed to judge the speed ratio.
As in, The - "Oh crap! That little shit is SO much faster than ME!"- ratio.
By the time I adjusted he was by me and had made the tackle.

Come to think of it, we must have scored, because lo and behold, here he is again.
And again, he is not only faster but much quicker too!
With a little fake he is by me and making another tackle.
I think this happened again because I'm pretty sure, the "laugh" came after the fake.

For those of you keeping score at home, that would be:
1. Blown away.
2. Feinted-and than blown away.
3. I don't remember-LAUGHED AT-and than blown away.
=
QUIT.

I am a Cancer and have identified with the shell aspects of the Crab. Any other Cancer attribute has not resonated. A couple of years ago I traded with a client  (this is Taos) and had my Astrological chart done. Along with the basic Cancer stuff, Leo shows up big time in my rising...or moon, or whatever. Sorry, don't cotton to astrology much. But Leo explained bunches about how I've conducted myself for much of my life, especially the perms.

At this point, My Lion needing a little preening

During high school, I was a social butterfly flitting between many groups.
Most of my close friends were also theater jocks.
That fall, my girlfriend was the director of Reflections! the student run revue ( I may have added the exclamation mark, but it fits ) and after finally deciding to quit football, I tried out for the show!

I  had the best year of my life in theater. It fed the part of me that needed attention and the creative Juice was very much like the sports Juice, without the hitting.
Most of my friends after high school were not the testosterone jocks, I've never really resonated with that hormone beyond the sports, probably why I do what I do, but the theater was filled with people like me.

It was great to be able to act out in a safe and 1970's white middle class way, we were rascals, not delinquents  and I had a great time, THANK YOU BRUCE KAHN.

After a few acting classes in community college in 1978, real life took over. Until now.


Shakespeare made the rhythms make the words sing. And I started to hear the singing for the first time.
Scansion was presented by Ron with such excitement and enthusiasm; with the promise to provide the key to unlock the mystery and illuminate how Willie used his words and structure to inform the actor.
This was the teacher I had never had, the one that makes this all so fun!
Of course I realize that it's not Ron, it's me. After watching my 2 Mirrors, I see.
All of the lectures on attitude, watching as they navigate this unfamiliar and daunting territory,(The Rest of Your Life!) it is all influenced by attitude.
My attitude? Get me out of this cave!", I need a break from them and myself.
Finally, and most importantly " This is fun! I want to learn more!
Not necessarily in that order.

Jeez, maybe my frontal lobe is finally developing.


A natural, Natural Actor I am not, I am definitely not.
I may be a Hideaway Crab for most of the time, but eventually the confines become a little stifling for the King and he needs to stretch his paws and bellow a bit.
I used to fulfill that requirement by raising kids.
I could bellow with the best of them, I was a veritable Jekyll and Hyde.
Only now, after a years of introspection and self flagellation can I see how angry I actually was, how bent I could get at the drop of a hat, or a ball, or a look.
I wasn't psycho, but I was angry, so freaking angry.
It leaves a bit of a sorrow taste in the mouth.

I'm being a little hard on myself as far as the acting thing, I am only an amateur and I shouldn't expect to just "get it," that's pretty egotistical right?
I am flowing in the process of learning lines, of seeking insight into the nuances of the acting thing, getting up there and balancing the nervousness with the Juice, it's all so exciting and so scary.

I have used an incident or a reaction from a particularly emotional exchange with the Boys as motivation for a character. In that way, I hope to glean some insight into myself and how I am approaching a role, but it's also a way to reflect on the ways I have communicated and interacted
with my sons. It allows me to look back and make changes as to how I view, and how I choose to respond to them in the here and now. It's my intent and not a perfect science, and it's the only way I can possibly hope to be consistent. And.
It's cheaper than therapy.


I screwed up the courage to play with a New Yawk accent for "Salesman".

Growing up, watching war movies with my dad, there's was always the guy from the Bronx, chewing gum, or munching on a cigar, all the while cracking wise in this sneering jeer of an accent, he was in my consciousness.
I'm old. I never cruise YouTube, hardly, but geez, you can find absolutely anything!
I found an excellent set of tutorials and hunkered down.
I took a few notes, read along with a few lists of words, practiced in front of the mirror, and proceeded to record myself on my phone.
Overhearing my attempt, Quinn opines, "Uh, you know there's nothing worse than doing a bad  New York accent...dad."

Duh.

What I wasn't prepared for when I went to listen, who should be whining shrilly back at me?
The Bunkers.
Both of them, but mainly Edith.
All those hours invested in front of the BoobTube, finally paying off!

Embarrassingly enough, as far as Shakespeare goes, I think my main reference is cartoons.
I think we are the last generation that referenced the Classics in popular entertainment for children, at least in any kind of recognizable fashion.
Later, the classics were cloaked in light sabers and C3PO's, but when I watched cartoons, they were still wearing tights, and badly overacting.
I can't help it, it's in my cathode ray, flickering Indian Head, Ray Raynor and Friends, infused blood.


The last evening of the Shakes workshop, I was not really happy with my performances.
I tried really hard, probably too hard, and I am thankful and energized by the work put in and the understanding received, but dammit, I didn't feel like I improved that much.
I don't mind the critiques at all, in fact I relish it. I am not in the place of total fear. My Leo is starting to be comfortable and I am feeling more at ease on stage.
My Child of the 70's Instant Gratification Whore is struggling with the process.


Ron has pointed out my "Breathy last four syllables" in the past three workshops.

With Iambic Pentameter fueling the way that condition is pushed into emote overdrive and no matter how hard I try to stay in the moment, ( I know Ron, I know, stay present with your partner ) in the excitement, my subconscious spews forth and I revert to the ghosts from the past and voila!

 Here..comes...Captain...KIRK!